x things you should y about z

Starting January 5th for 14 days the Frog will draw a random number between 1 and 14 from the Bowler Hat of Uncertainty, and the Bison a random subject from the Stetson of Surreality. I will then without pause for thought or reflection write one of those “x things you should y about z” pieces.

Your life in 2015 will not be complete without this ridiculous and spurious advice. DO NOT MISS IT!!!! Expect excessive and unnecessary use of CAPITALS!!!!! Italics!!!!, EXCLAMATION marks!!!!!!!!!!!!! and BOLD TYPE