“7 words you can’t say on TV.” Beware, strong language.

by Kay Scorah

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I promised myself that I would write one of these things for every subject that was randomly selected from the 2 hats. When this one came up, I realised that I was probably going to lose every client I ever had.

In 1972, George Carlin delivered one of his rants about the 7 words you can’t say on TV. If you don’t want to watch it, all you need to know is that they are, “shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits”.

Now, after a couple of glasses of Tempranillo in the New Rose I’ll say any of those. Most of them I’ll even say sober. But when it comes to Writing Them Down, I genuinely found it hard to bring myself to type a couple of them. It seems that I have a potty mouth and prissy fingers. It’s the opposite of fur coat and no knickers.

Do you remember when in English exams you’d get those questions which began, “use each of these words in a sentence”? Well, here goes..

On 7th January 2015 the shit hit the media fan when 11 people were murdered at the Charlie Hebdo offices in Paris for taking the piss out of the prophet Mohammed. Between January 3rd and 7th an estimated 2000 people were murdered by those Boko Haram motherfuckers in Baga Nigeria, but for all the coverage THAT got in the western mainstream media you’d think that no one gave a flying fuck about innocent Nigerian villagers. Ten days later, French President Francois Hollande insisted that France would continue to defend “freedom of expression.” In the same speech he said that protesters who burned the French flag, “have to be punished, because when it happens in France, it’s intolerable.” Can someone explain to me how burning a flag is anything more than a means of expression? It’s a piece of cloth, for fuck’s sake!

Speaking of world leaders, why do men use “cocksucker” as an insult, when the very recreational activity to which they refer is one which they so appreciate? It’s like me snarling “winedrinker!” in an aggressive manner at one of my female friends.

It’s interesting that the word cunt seems like more of an insult than dick and prick, even though statistically speaking there are almost as many cunts in the world as there are dicks. Except, that is in *Bahrain, Kuwait, Oman, Qatar, Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates where dicks apparently outnumber cunts by a significant number. Wondering aloud about why that is, like burning a flag, is something that I probably can’t do on TV.

Motherfucking hypocrites. They get on my tits.

* Females as a (reported) percentage of population; World:49%. Bahrain:38%. Kuwait:40%. Oman:36%. Qatar:23%. Saudi Arabia:42%, United Arab Emirates:30%